I aspire to write. But what do I write? I have never been so distraught like the past year. I have been working this last year but it does not instigate me anymore. It feels like there's a void, an emptiness which needs to be filled. I think it usually happens when you live alone, not in the vicinity of your loved ones, devoid of care or when there is a desire which remains unfulfilled.
So what can be the solution? One is bringing this out of me, like I am doing now. It can also be possible that the feeling which I have expressed above is momentary, generated by some event right before this moment. And it shall pass like any other. But then I would not have this desire to put it on paper.
What should one do to keep oneself occupied, keep their mind sane? I am writing all this midst my work, not alone in my room. There is a flurry of activity going around, but I am unable to concentrate. I feel the emptiness.
Maybe I know the true reason, but unable to express it or maybe not willing to do so. How I struggle to pass each day? The hours are so long, time endless.
Why did this happen? How did I land in such a situation?
This happens when you let your guard down. That is when you become vulnerable. You let someone affect you, take control of your thoughts. You keep thinking about that person, on the other hand that person may not even bother about you.
Oh How happy was I when no one occupied my thoughts.
This is the problem. But what is the solution. How can you reverse the above act? Maybe you do not want to. There is a lingering thought - anticipation that there will be light at the end of tunnel. It can be that you are simply being tested, tested by time.
Oh How I wish, I could simply say 'Let there be light' and there is light. Sounds a little cryptic but you get the meaning.
Never before, I have penned my deepest thoughts in this honest manner.
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