Nothing Particular

Today has been wasted completely doing nothing at home. I have been just watching movies all long. Movies which I don't even like. Hell I do not know even, what I like. My taste keeps on fluctuating. Sometimes I like a particular genre, other times I do not.

So, I was thinking today, What do I really like? As far as movies are concerned, I proclaim 'The Butterfly Effect' to be my favourite movie. I have even narrated the story of this movie in many interviews. Its fascinating. Applying the space ripple effect on time. It can do wonders or maybe disasters. Who knows?

I have been watching this TV show 'How I Met Your Mother' for quite sometime now. This show is really good. I really like the character 'Barney Stinson' played by Neil Patrick Harris. He is as 'Awesome' as he says. Never attach yourself to anyone. That's when things start getting messy. This has been his funda all along. Move from one to another.

The day ends and we prepare for the 'morrow. But what preparation i s required? Its would be like any other dull monotonous day.

I think I complain a lot. I read somewhere that Better life starts when you stop the quest for a better one. I should start applying this one on myself. Seeking happiness in small things, seeking pleasure out of seemingly dull monotonous routines. This can be done. It ain't that difficult.

Hmmm..

Adios

Once upon a time

Once upon a time..
They lived happily ever after.
One must have read these opening and ending lines respectively many times and wondered 'Is life this simple?'

It may seem so but it is not because you never can be sure of 'living happily ever after' part. Very few people in the world would have had this luxury. But don't they deserve it? 'They lived happily ever after' itself denotes the enormous struggle one would have had to face before reaching that stage (at least in stories).

Have I faced struggle in my life or Everything has been given to me on a platter? Actually I havn't reached the stage where I can contemplate this.

So what is it that I want to communicate? There is struggle in life and without it there is no life. If you say, you haven't faced struggle in your life than you have not lived. Who does not want to have an efficacious life? For that to happen you need to fight and not lay low and let things come unto you.

Recently I was reading a piece on How a terminally ill 19 year old does wonderful paintings and write beautiful poems. It is a gift and it needs to be shown to the world. But unfortunately, he does not have much time. Doesn't adversity bring out the best in one. Would he have been really as good a painter, if he was all well. We would not know. I am not trying to undermine anyone here but just thinking aloud.

You work. You reap.

But not all. Some people keep working their whole life, expecting the harvest time to come soon. But it may never come. Someone else may reap the benefits.

One can question, is the world fair? It is definitely not. Though it might be on a macro level. The law of averages work here. But on an individual level, on a micro level does this fairness holds. Is there a happy time always after a not so happy time. Not for everyone.

You do your part, rest will take care of itself.

Dazed and Confused

I aspire to write. But what do I write? I have never been so distraught like the past year. I have been working this last year but it does not instigate me anymore. It feels like there's a void, an emptiness which needs to be filled. I think it usually happens when you live alone, not in the vicinity of your loved ones, devoid of care or when there is a desire which remains unfulfilled.

So what can be the solution? One is bringing this out of me, like I am doing now. It can also be possible that the feeling which I have expressed above is momentary, generated by some event right before this moment. And it shall pass like any other. But then I would not have this desire to put it on paper.

What should one do to keep oneself occupied, keep their mind sane? I am writing all this midst my work, not alone in my room. There is a flurry of activity going around, but I am unable to concentrate. I feel the emptiness.

Maybe I know the true reason, but unable to express it or maybe not willing to do so. How I struggle to pass each day? The hours are so long, time endless.

Why did this happen? How did I land in such a situation?

This happens when you let your guard down. That is when you become vulnerable. You let someone affect you, take control of your thoughts. You keep thinking about that person, on the other hand that person may not even bother about you.

Oh How happy was I when no one occupied my thoughts.

This is the problem. But what is the solution. How can you reverse the above act? Maybe you do not want to. There is a lingering thought - anticipation that there will be light at the end of tunnel. It can be that you are simply being tested, tested by time.

Oh How I wish, I could simply say 'Let there be light' and there is light. Sounds a little cryptic but you get the meaning.

Never before, I have penned my deepest thoughts in this honest manner.