Every night I empty my heart, but by morning it's full again

Slow droplets of you sleep in through the night's soft caress

At dawn I overflow with thoughts of us

An aching pleasure that gives me no respite

Love cannot be contained

The neat packaging of desire splits asunder

Spilling crimson through my days

Long, languishing days that are now bruised tender with yearning

Spent searching for a fingerprint, a scent, a breath you left behind.

- Not my original, Picked from some movie

You reap what you sow

I stare at the blank page wondering what to write.

Life decides its own course. It is so spontaneous. You never know how just a turn around the corner may change your life for ever. You do not decide who your parents will be, in which family you will be born. You are given a set of circumstances and people, you have to make the best out of it. So how do we say, we have control over our life. Does one ever have?

The only thing you have control over is in choosing your friends. But that is also limited control, I would say. You select a subset from a bigger group of people which is decided by where you grow up, where you study, where you work and whom you randomly chance to meet. So, you can keep a goal in your mind and work towards a general direction but the outcome cannot be fully in your hands. It’s a dynamic interaction of so many things.

As we progress in life, one of the most important thing is learning to 'letting go'. If some work has gone bad or some relationship has gone bad, one should not keep on lingering to that. In practice it is much more difficult as lot of sweat and effort would have gone into making it. But if you do not 'let go', it would act as a hindrance to your further progress.

In everyone’s life comes a time when he or she feels life has become stagnant. There is no further advancement. You have got stuck with the same job over a long period of time or a person for a longer period of time. Life needs change. Without change there is no excitement, there is no learning. But one should not force a change upon himself or herself. You need to be ready to embrace the change and try to find happiness in small things of life. The world has so much misery and pain that once you start looking you would realize that your daily life problems are not even worth mentioning.

If a conscious effort is taken, can one not alleviate his problems? Can not small differences be mended mutually? Ya, I agree not all problems can be solved this way. There are many problems with no solutions and differences irreconcilable. But that would hardly be a small fragment. Isn't it?

There are close to seven billion Homo-Sapiens on this planet. You know more than this number of bacteria would come in a small flask and there are more stars/planets greater than the size of earth than seven billion. So are we really that much? By some standards, humans must be a primitive life form in one corner of the universe in an obscure galaxy known as Milky Way. So if a strategy for the evolvement of universe is being considered, would we be even taken into account? Huh? What rubbish?

I wonder how everything came into being. How all laws of physics were developed? How first life was formed and what happens to it after it has died. No one has ever been able to and I don't know how further it will go this way. But if we come to know, won't we supersede ourselves?

Everything is an illusion. I wonder who designed us.

God Maybe

Days of Our Lives

Days come and go by. Every day you plan to do something. But how many of it does one even remember by the end of day.

Life has it own flow just like time. You cannot exactly predict what route it will take. It is made up of intricate interactions with the environment and is shaped by it. I sometimes wonder how many things would have happened exactly the way it has for me to just walk the planet. A slight change here and there and I may have never been born!!

I read somewhere that We are really lucky. We are one of the millions of sperm that has successfully competed for a couple of ovums. Ever wondered? Life is precious and it is a gift bestowed on us.

One should make the most out of what he has got and not be involved in petty things because they dont even matter in the bigger scheme of things.

In a recently published book by Suzy Welch, she proposes a simple rule to live by 10-10-10. According to this rule one should evaluate an action by its consequences i.e. how it will affect you in next ten minutes, ten months and ten years.

I would say a nice and simple rule to live by. Though I have one of my one, 'You should do treat others in the way, you expect them to behave towards you'.

Enough

Nothing Particular

Today has been wasted completely doing nothing at home. I have been just watching movies all long. Movies which I don't even like. Hell I do not know even, what I like. My taste keeps on fluctuating. Sometimes I like a particular genre, other times I do not.

So, I was thinking today, What do I really like? As far as movies are concerned, I proclaim 'The Butterfly Effect' to be my favourite movie. I have even narrated the story of this movie in many interviews. Its fascinating. Applying the space ripple effect on time. It can do wonders or maybe disasters. Who knows?

I have been watching this TV show 'How I Met Your Mother' for quite sometime now. This show is really good. I really like the character 'Barney Stinson' played by Neil Patrick Harris. He is as 'Awesome' as he says. Never attach yourself to anyone. That's when things start getting messy. This has been his funda all along. Move from one to another.

The day ends and we prepare for the 'morrow. But what preparation i s required? Its would be like any other dull monotonous day.

I think I complain a lot. I read somewhere that Better life starts when you stop the quest for a better one. I should start applying this one on myself. Seeking happiness in small things, seeking pleasure out of seemingly dull monotonous routines. This can be done. It ain't that difficult.

Hmmm..

Adios

Once upon a time

Once upon a time..
They lived happily ever after.
One must have read these opening and ending lines respectively many times and wondered 'Is life this simple?'

It may seem so but it is not because you never can be sure of 'living happily ever after' part. Very few people in the world would have had this luxury. But don't they deserve it? 'They lived happily ever after' itself denotes the enormous struggle one would have had to face before reaching that stage (at least in stories).

Have I faced struggle in my life or Everything has been given to me on a platter? Actually I havn't reached the stage where I can contemplate this.

So what is it that I want to communicate? There is struggle in life and without it there is no life. If you say, you haven't faced struggle in your life than you have not lived. Who does not want to have an efficacious life? For that to happen you need to fight and not lay low and let things come unto you.

Recently I was reading a piece on How a terminally ill 19 year old does wonderful paintings and write beautiful poems. It is a gift and it needs to be shown to the world. But unfortunately, he does not have much time. Doesn't adversity bring out the best in one. Would he have been really as good a painter, if he was all well. We would not know. I am not trying to undermine anyone here but just thinking aloud.

You work. You reap.

But not all. Some people keep working their whole life, expecting the harvest time to come soon. But it may never come. Someone else may reap the benefits.

One can question, is the world fair? It is definitely not. Though it might be on a macro level. The law of averages work here. But on an individual level, on a micro level does this fairness holds. Is there a happy time always after a not so happy time. Not for everyone.

You do your part, rest will take care of itself.

Dazed and Confused

I aspire to write. But what do I write? I have never been so distraught like the past year. I have been working this last year but it does not instigate me anymore. It feels like there's a void, an emptiness which needs to be filled. I think it usually happens when you live alone, not in the vicinity of your loved ones, devoid of care or when there is a desire which remains unfulfilled.

So what can be the solution? One is bringing this out of me, like I am doing now. It can also be possible that the feeling which I have expressed above is momentary, generated by some event right before this moment. And it shall pass like any other. But then I would not have this desire to put it on paper.

What should one do to keep oneself occupied, keep their mind sane? I am writing all this midst my work, not alone in my room. There is a flurry of activity going around, but I am unable to concentrate. I feel the emptiness.

Maybe I know the true reason, but unable to express it or maybe not willing to do so. How I struggle to pass each day? The hours are so long, time endless.

Why did this happen? How did I land in such a situation?

This happens when you let your guard down. That is when you become vulnerable. You let someone affect you, take control of your thoughts. You keep thinking about that person, on the other hand that person may not even bother about you.

Oh How happy was I when no one occupied my thoughts.

This is the problem. But what is the solution. How can you reverse the above act? Maybe you do not want to. There is a lingering thought - anticipation that there will be light at the end of tunnel. It can be that you are simply being tested, tested by time.

Oh How I wish, I could simply say 'Let there be light' and there is light. Sounds a little cryptic but you get the meaning.

Never before, I have penned my deepest thoughts in this honest manner.